HANG OUT MORE WITH RYAN. BE LESS BUSY. STOP WORRYING.


My son Ryan has given me some good perspective recently. His perspective comes in the shape of a sharp dagger to the gut but he’s 14 so I will take it, I am glad he’s talking to me. He thinks I worry too much – not just about him, which he says I do, but in general. This reminded me of a study I had read that surveyed children whose moms worked outside the home. They asked the children what they would most want to change about their childhoods – the conclusion I expected to hear from the study would be that kids wished their moms were around more, for dinner or sports or when they came home from school. Most working moms I know have tremendous guilt over not being there for their kids, we feel guilty about not achieving the coveted and elusive work-life balance. But what this study revealed is that the kids wished for something different. They wished their moms hadn’t worried so much. I shared this with Ryan and he said, “totally, you shouldn’t worry so much Mom, I know you love me”. But, then came the dagger. He told me that he thinks I am a Bisy Backson. He read the Toa of Pooh in school and there are passages on Bisy Backson. Ryan said that a Bisy Backson is a person who worries too much and misses out on things because of it. Hmm… I don’t want to be that. So, I read up on Bisy. Wake up call! Bisy Backson doesn’t just worry, Bisy Backson is someone who is: Just. Too. Busy. Bisy Backson stands for Busy, Back Soon. I am not trying to challenge Ryan’s interpretation of the Tao of Pooh because as you examine Bisy further you realize that he worries he’s not getting enough done… so Bisy is a worrier AND he’s too busy. I think Ryan might be right. Looking back at the start of my 10,000 days list I see, Be Grateful. I am grateful to Ryan for his clarity and his ability to tell me what he thinks. I am grateful I wasn’t too busy to hear him. And, I have something to add to my list. Hang out more with Ryan, be less busy and try to stop worrying. And, remember, he knows that i love him.

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